My Voce Magna

Image by h.koppdelaney via Flickr

Mihi opus est voce magna.

Its been about 6 years or so since I took Latin, but this phrase has stuck with me, in various forms. I was delighted to find my old Latin text recently to confirm the exact wording and the possible translation. It means, I need a great [large] voice. or I have need of a great [large] voice. Or something like that. I only took a few semesters of Latin.

As a woman struggling with writing and the label of "writer", this statement strikes me to the core.

If you are regular follower of my blog, you will notice that I haven't posted much lately. The truth is that I have written much lately. At first, I didn't want to write. Then I was afraid to write. I questioned everything that came to mind. Why am I writing this? Will it help anyone? or even be something positive or encouraging to read? Worst of all: hasn't this been written before and better? When I finally wanted to start trying again, if only to go through the motions, to practice, I felt stopped before I even touch the keyboard.

It may be that God wanted me to listen for a while. To think about what I was writing and why I was writing. And I have been thinking quite a bit. Recently, I found this in my favorite book,

My heart was sore, and in my brain was neither quest nor purpose, hope nor desire.

This has been the state of my heart [and brain] over the past few years. Without quest or purpose. Without hope or desire. More important, without a voice. You cannot imagine the impact of losing your voice...until you do.

For me, it began as a choice. I chose not to speak. Then, without really commanding my silence, God kept me from speaking and showed me the value of my voice. The funny thing is that now that I want to speak (or even shout from the rooftops, if given the opportunity), I still hesitate. I don't want to say just anything. I want something. to. say. So I continue to be silent. Waiting and hoping. For something to say.

What about you? Do you ever question your voice? How important is a voice to you?